Thursday, 10 October 2013

Risking being honest

I'm going to risk a bit of blogging honesty. I never really write about me so coming out of my comfort zone. I have to confess I have sometimes used photos from a couple of years ago and claimed it was now. Wishful thinking on my part. I've done this when not well after all blogs are places we go to to see  the nice bits, the tidy corners of our homes the happy holiday trips etc. but In doing that we may risk thinking everyone's has the perfect life, home etc..

So here goes this is me not so very perfect. I'm 43and  4FT 11, I  have two adopted children who I love to the moon and back. ( It is however off road parenting.) and a very patient husband, the best mum and mum in law a girl could have and a brother that blows my mind, in the best possible way. I  just wish they were not 5 hours away. That's the up side now, the not so good -  I am in pain most days of varying degrees .After a few ops the last being a hysterectomy a year ago this week. But not worked as one had hoped. I had hoped i'd ride a bike again drive a car and skip and jump. but sadly scar tissue has stuck bits down inside. I now live on soups and smoothies, pain surprises me and stabs you out of the blue throughout the day .I'm grumpy and horrid sometimes .I know there are people worst off, but just for this week I'm going to feel sorry for myself then pic my self up  painkillers and lip stick and get on with it and adapt my life like raise beds on legs  for gardening etc... I lost my job, but thank heavens I can make so I have to make a success of it now.

I'm not moaning just thought if I wrote it down it would be cathartic in some way and friends may understand why I break appointments so often and can always be found sobbing at knit club in the kitchen .Constant pain is very tiring ,I was trying to find  a positive in all this and apart from the friendships that take on a new level and how when you are not in pain every things is so colourful and you are immensely grateful. I've tried reiki and it works -  so my life is rich and I will not give in or moan again until this time next year. Accepting they may not be able to do anything is hard. So I will drug up and do my workshops on Wednesday and enjoy every minute and person I meet. my friends and family are my scaffolding who without I would fall down. oops I gone on a bit sorry.